Facebook: No, I don’t want to take your quiz; I want random play.

It’s time for one of my favourite angry posts on the Social Utility That Could.

Facebook recently announced a new developer policy for applications publishing content to the Mini-Feed (which filter up to the global News Feed depending on quality.) The News Feed is the default page upon login, while the Mini-Feed is the area on your own profile, where people can see the recent things you’ve been up to – like changing your “Looking For” status to “Random play.” I no longer have the “random play” option myself; apparently at some point in the past, my employment or affiliation with the IBM or RIM networks triggered a flag that says that since I’ve worked for the man, I apparently no longer can openly advertise my desire to engage in non-committal, promiscuous activities.

Either that, or it read my “Male at the University of Waterloo” details, and summarily decided that my interests could not possibly contain meaningless, playful contact with the opposite sex. I’m amazed I wasn’t forced into looking for “like-minded friends who enjoy a spot of anime, ramen noodles and debating .999=1.” Instead of “random play”, I have to settle for the much less scandalous “networking” option, which my good friend Phil promptly mocked:

Networking is now an option in looking for?! Christ what’re you gonna do walk up to a chick and be like “hay can i interface w/ ur data p0rt lol if u get wut i mean kekeke”

I would not be surprised if someone at UW has actually tried this as a pickup line, although a much more likely attempt would involve LOLcats or the ORLY owl.

The long and short of this new Facebook policy is that applications can no longer report passive actions, such as users receiving new posts on their installation of SuperFunLuckyHappyWall. (Now with bonus Zwinky!) Observe:

New Post - FunWall

Rather, the new policy indicates that only actions taken by a user should be published. So if you posted a new Happycat using Internet Meme Generator 2.0, then it’d be fair game to see “Jake posted a new Happycat image macro” in the Mini-Feed. This should hopefully help clear up the state of items such as “Forty-seven (47) of your friends sent a Wet Willy to one another.” Facebook’s not naming names, but the two biggest offenders are Slide and RockYou. It should be a bit more pleasant to see things cleaned up.

As an aside, you can still find my favourite applications to block if you’re interested in improving your experience.

Worst Song in the World: Crank That by Soulja Boy

Lil’ Mama has been usurped, and the new contender for worst song in the world is one by DeAndre Ramone Way (no, I’m not joking – his real name is DeAndre), in which listeners are instructed thusly:

Soulja Boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank that Soulja Boy
Then superman that hoe
Now watch me YOUUUUUUUUU
(crank that Soulja Boy)

Then later on, after we’ve heard the steel pan backing track for a while, we continue the exploitation of women for entertainment. Why hasn’t someone gotten offended about this and made a big public stink?

I’m jocking on your bitch ass
And if we get to fighting
Then I’m cocking on your bitch ass

This only serves to reinforce that the Urban Dictionary definitions of “superman” are indeed what DeAndre is referring to.

YouTube Funhouse Mirror

(Note: I actually had to search for a good ten minutes, and then edit significantly, in an effort to bring you lyrics that Weren’t Written Like This, Because The Target Audience Of This Song Capitalizes Every Word. It’s The Same Audience That Thinks The Future Of Technology Is “I Can Watch YouTube On My Cell Phone And Download Ringtones.”)

Entertainment Weekly describes the album, which is actually titled Souljaboytellem.com:

”Crank That” is diverting enough for three and a half minutes, but most of his debut, Souljaboytellem.com, is a teenage wasteland filled with monotonously looped chants and agonizing blunt-force beats. At least he owns a cool domain name. D

What’s even more ridiculous than the song? Watching the obligatory meta-tastic music video on YouTube, which is like looking into an M.C. Escher illustration: it involves a record executive looking at Soulja Boy’s music video on a simulated YouTube site. Yes, thank you! People watch videos online! I don’t need to see a frame and five stars and a faux progress bar to know this.

If you’re actually going to listen to this song, check out the Kosha Boy remix (there’s even the Fiddler on the Roof!)

And while musicians lament the state of the industry, where ringtones are the target market, Soulja Boy has the following to say:

“When I did my album, I went into the studio (thinking), ’I gotta have each song on here where it will be good as a single,”’ he says. “I believe I came out with an album full of singles, so I’m good.”