Worst Song in the World: Crank That by Soulja Boy

Lil’ Mama has been usurped, and the new contender for worst song in the world is one by DeAndre Ramone Way (no, I’m not joking – his real name is DeAndre), in which listeners are instructed thusly:

Soulja Boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank that Soulja Boy
Then superman that hoe
Now watch me YOUUUUUUUUU
(crank that Soulja Boy)

Then later on, after we’ve heard the steel pan backing track for a while, we continue the exploitation of women for entertainment. Why hasn’t someone gotten offended about this and made a big public stink?

I’m jocking on your bitch ass
And if we get to fighting
Then I’m cocking on your bitch ass

This only serves to reinforce that the Urban Dictionary definitions of “superman” are indeed what DeAndre is referring to.

(Note: I actually had to search for a good ten minutes, and then edit significantly, in an effort to bring you lyrics that Weren’t Written Like This, Because The Target Audience Of This Song Capitalizes Every Word. It’s The Same Audience That Thinks The Future Of Technology Is “I Can Watch YouTube On My Cell Phone And Download Ringtones.”)

Entertainment Weekly describes the album, which is actually titled Souljaboytellem.com:

”Crank That” is diverting enough for three and a half minutes, but most of his debut, Souljaboytellem.com, is a teenage wasteland filled with monotonously looped chants and agonizing blunt-force beats. At least he owns a cool domain name. D

What’s even more ridiculous than the song? Watching the obligatory meta-tastic music video on YouTube, which is like looking into an M.C. Escher illustration: it involves a record executive looking at Soulja Boy’s music video on a simulated YouTube site. Yes, thank you! People watch videos online! I don’t need to see a frame and five stars and a faux progress bar to know this.

If you’re actually going to listen to this song, check out the Kosha Boy remix (there’s even the Fiddler on the Roof!)

And while musicians lament the state of the industry, where ringtones are the target market, Soulja Boy has the following to say:

“When I did my album, I went into the studio (thinking), ’I gotta have each song on here where it will be good as a single,”’ he says. “I believe I came out with an album full of singles, so I’m good.”