Background: Denon produces an expensive Ethernet cable, much like the kind Monster are known for. It goes for $500 for 1.5 meters.
Body: Story hits Digg, the Consumerist, and a variety of other self-righteous forums that really should focus less on “ohpleaseohpleaseohplease check my ID when I hand over a credit card”, “they sent me too big of a box”, and “lol, I have to pay taxes?” and focus more on wireless data prices, large companies screwing people over, and how not to be a chump. Commenters race to tell users all about the ridiculously cheaper alternatives and suggest Belkin. (Really?) I shamelessly promote my consulting business here to tell you about a site called Monoprice, which we’re happy to refer clients to for their cabling needs.
Plot Twist: Amazon reviews get spammed for the product, per this Slashdot article and attached comment. This should be expected, though, because people have too much time on their hands but are still chumps – don’t expect them to venture outside of the comment field.
(Hell, I wrote a letter to the Prime Minister today expressing my displeasure with Bill C-61, studied some calculus, and cleaned up after a dishwasher explosion. And still had time to tell all you chumps about this nonsense.)
Punchline: From the Amazon reviews, in case it gets taken down and you don’t see it:
If I could use a rusty boxcutter to carve a new orifice in my body that’s compatible with this link cable, I would already be doing it. I can just imagine the pure musical goodness that would flow through this cable into the wound and fill me completely — like white, holy light. Holding this cable in my hands actually makes me feel that much closer to the Lord Jesus Christ. I only make $6.25/hr at Jack In The Box, but I saved up for three months so I could have this cable. It sits in a shrine I constructed next to my futon in Mother’s basement.
I only gave it four stars in my review because I can’t find music that is worthy enough to flow through this utterly perfect interconnect.
Appendix: Check out G.P.’s other reviews, specifically the one where he bashes Cooper Lawrence’s book (the woman partially responsible for that Fox News Mass Effect sex-in-videogames scandal.)
Chump count: three
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