Month: November 2007

In the past, I’ve often claimed songs to be the worst possible in the world, and this honour has now fallen upon the atrocity that is “G-Slide (Tour Bus)”. If you hated Jibbs’ “Chain Hang Low”, then you’ll know the horror of which I speak. Here’s the chorus:

Lil’ Mama tour bus may ride through your town
Take a time, show you how
To do the G-slide, let me show you how
To G-slide
Let’s go!

This chorus is sung to the backing track of The Wheels On The Bus. You know, that song from the “Songs to Enrage Bus Drivers” album? What’s worse is that Lil’ Mama has the “oh snap!” tone of voice throughout the entire track. I guess that’s her gimmick, but I’m certainly not among the target audience.

If you want to pollute your ears with this, YouTube has the official music video that starts with her blowing some form of pink crack cocaine onto a regular school bus to turn it into some Austin Powers-esque monstrosity. Apparently in at least one of her other videos (yet ANOTHER remix of “Umbrella”), things start the same way.

One of my more favourite recurring threads on Something Awful are those that ask users to sum up their day with a newspaper headline and subtitle. They’re generally hilarious, filled with profanity and make mundane daily activities seem absolutely hilarious. It’s effectively the style of The Onion but in shorter form.

Watch, now, as I summarize some of the posts on my Facebook news feed (also known as the Stalking Utility) in the same format.

Philadelphia Teen Attempts to Get Down to Work and Study
Success highly unlikely; girlfriend’s presence may prove to be distracting

Recent Breakup Offers Quick Turnaround Time
Woman begins seeking ‘whatever she can get’ four hours after relationship dissolves

For Some, The Location Isn’t The Draw
Students continue to patronize ‘Dirty Phil’s’, despite its health and safety record being worse than the Royal Buffet

We Know What You Like: Magical Advertisements Astound and Amaze
Sales on eyeliner, tight jeans and black nail polish for My Chemical Romance fans

Sticky Notes Come To The Internet
Despite perfectly good solutions like email, users blindly trust their text to random developers

When Friendship Just Isn’t Good Enough
New social hierarchies emerge based on mysterious pictures in a grid

I Say, Good Madam, You Appear To Be Emitting Music
People actually visit this site at work, thanks

Update: Now they actually are newspaper headlines.

Just caught this item in my Google Reader feed from Joystiq:

Although GHIII is fine and you could probably survive being in Hot Topic, playing Guitar Hero III within the walls of a Hot Topic actual [sic] conscripts you into an emo band. It’s true: A spectral version of Morrissey appears and eats all but .5 percent of your body fat, tears pre-caked in eyeliner spurt from your eyes and members of Jimmy Eat World chloroform you and force you to play bass. It’s a nightmare.

If it’s worth the risk to you you can see all the details here. But we think we’ll stay at home and put our eyeliner on by ourselves, thank you very much.